Maxwell's Demons, Duo's Heart
by Anendee
Summary: after a difficult mission, the guys take Duo to a safe house in the midle of no where, there he sees a replica of the Maxwell Church, can the guys, especially Trowa, pull him out of his depression? 23


Maxwell's demons, Duo's heart Author: Ashes, Trowa's cat, Miko No Tears Pairings: 2+3 Rating:pg 13 or lower Archives: lady cosmos fiction site. yahoo mailing lists Shinisanctuary, Sweet Love 2x3 and animeinsanitysweetness.

Warnings: shounen ai (not sex) some swearing, depression. and i think thats it.

Summary: what happens when Duo is injured and on the way to a safe house in the middle of nowwhere (and it really is) he sees a replica fo the Maxwell Church. he is the only one to not share his past.

They never knew what hit them. They all knew the battle was going to be tough, if it wasn't then they all wouldn't be there. But the real surprise came when they, exhausted and almost depleted, thought they had won, only to see at least 100 mobile suits heading their way.

"Guys, go, I have a plan." Duo instructed them, praying that for once his damned self destruct button would work.

Trowa, worried for Duo asked, "what have you got in mind, I want to help."

"So help me Trowa, if you don't leave now, we will go rounds so bad, they will make this war seem easy! Now move your Ass, I have work to do!" The rest didn't argue with him, they all knew that between G, Trowa and Wufei(his best friend), he couldn't self destruct. But that really didn't stop Trowa from worrying. His lover was out there and he wouldn't let Trowa help him. Duo almost never shut himself off from Trowa. But he also knew they didn't have any other plans, and unless they had something else to contribute, then they were to go. Trowa slowly eased his battered gundam around and followed the rest of the guys, leaving Duo to his plan. Besides, this was Duo they were talking about, he almost never thinks of self desructing, he must honestly have a plan.

Duo continued to fight off the moble suits. His gundam had taken far less damage then anyone else's had, and even though he was almost out of energy, he still had enough to fight off the suits and make it look like he wasn't going to self destruct. But that was his very intention. "Alright, no more Mr. Nice Death." He muttered to himself as everyone else had finally made it out of range.

He set the self destruct mode and exited his gundam, using his scythe as kind of a helicopter type thing. His plan would have worked if he hadn't collided with a mobile doll and accidentally hit the detonation button. "Well, hell, I just never have any luck with this, do i?" he questioned himself as Deathscythe exploded. He had figured out why he could never self destruct and wanted to test out his theory. He wasn't happy when he was right and had a major bone to pick with at least G, if he survived, that is.

The guys were flashed by a brilliant light. Over the communications link three could hear the agonized wail of Trowa, causing them to all flinch, and head back to the sight. The area was a waste land of twisted metal and grotesque images, even for these 4 boys. They though they had lost a lover and a friend (depending on who they were). Trowa leapt out of his gundam, leaving it at the edge of the devastation, frantically searching for Duo's body. He found a length of singed braided hair by a pile of perticuallly mangled scrap. Trowa, with silent tears coursing down his face, held the severed hair reverently in his hand. He let out a scream that drowned out the first groan from under the heap. Trowa collasped to his knees, sobbing his heart out,crying he never got to tell him, he had been too scared, even after Duo had told him.

"Duo, I love you more then anything in the world."

"That's great love, but do you think you can get this off me?" Trowa let out a startled cry as he hurried to help his love. The others who had just caught up to Trowa, unquestioningly helped, even with their various injuries, they managed to get the metal scrap off Duo. Trowa, as he had been since the explosion, enthusiastically hugged Duo uncharacteristly, in front of every one. "Trowa, love,...please, if you...don't want me...to die,...gasp...let me breathe." Trowa eased up enough to let him breathe, "air is good, gasp, air is wise." Duo doubled over in pain after his little joke.

"Duo! Hold on. We'll get you help, just hang in there." Duo had started coughing up blood, and it dribbled down and mingled with the rest of his blood, seeping out all over his body. Trowa struggled with the help of the others, to get Duo into his gundam. They took off for a rural county about 80 miles from Chicago...

Duo was treated and released a week later. The looks he had gotten from the nurses as they tried unsuccessfully to keep the guys out, would have been comical, if he hadn't been in a drug induced sleep to keep him in the hospital. The ones the staff had the most trouble keeping out were Trowa and Wufei. Wufei was convinced it was his fault for not removing the damned device altogether, and Trowa tortured himself with the knowledge that he just let Duo do his thing, and it almost killed Duo.

They had a safe house in the middle of this tiny town in northern Illinois, a state in the midwest of the United States of America, Duo's Colony's originaing land. As they past this little church, Duo suddenly withdrew from everyone. Even Rashid, who was giving them a lift, felt the withdrawal of the happy go lucky pilot. Silence reigned as Rashid pulled into a driveway almost across from the church.

There were three bed rooms in the two story house. Duo and Trowa shared the one that faced west, and the church. Wufei took the north connecting room (in three different ways, through the closet, the connecting door and the regular hallway door), making sure every door worked. Heero and Quatre shared the largest room that was across the hall and facing south.

The first floor of the place was almost like a circle. The front room connected to the living room by way of a large doorless entry way. From there is a door to the bathroom and another through the bathroom to exit in to the kitchen. The kitchen had a swinging door, that connected it to the dinning room, and the dinning room had another large doorless entry way. It was homey and some what spacious, though no where near as spacious as one of Q's mansions, but nice anyway.

No sooner then they had put their things in their rooms, Duo stared out at the church across the street from the huge picture window in the front room. He hadn't said a word in almost an hour, the guys exchanged worried glances about Duo. They had never been this worried about their comrade before, and he had never gone more then five minutes in silence.. .

Duo couldn't believe what was standing just across the street, an exact replica of the Maxwell church, even down to the bell off to the side a little ways. He was transported in his mind, to when he would help Sister Helen with the younger ones, and when he would have class with Father Maxwell, and how much he felt wanted and needed there.

For a week it was the same thing, Do staring out he window at he church, a haunted look in his eyes and a sad smile on his face. Wufei finally got up the nerve to ask Duo what was wrong. Duo, his gaze never leaving the church, answered softly, "nothing, Fei, I'm just thinking." Under normal circumstances, Wufei would have ranted bout the name Fei, or that Maxwell didn't know what thinking was, but he sent a glance over to Trowa, and normally a look like that would have pissed off Duo to no end, he would have been offended by a look that made him feel like a helpless child all over again. He didn't see the look of fear, pain and worry on Wufei's face that was matched by Trowa's, only difference was that Trowa's was more intense.

A few nights later, the effects of time were really beginning to show on them all, Duo was a haggered looking, losing weight he couldn't afford to lose and his beautiful glossy hair dull and limp and the light in his eye was almost extinguished, while wrapped up in his past. Trowa and Wufei also lost weight, but not as much as Duo had. Quatre's face was pinched. He constantly felt the pain, fear, worry and sadness that rolled from the others, himself, and Duo. Heero became a little more involved in his laptop, his hiding place, to keep from breaking down altogether.

The night that everything finally changed was a night that started off with every one but Duo, pretending to do some thing, Trowa and Qautre, at opposite ends of the room, pretended to read, while Wufei, on Duo's right while Trowa was on Duo's left, looked like he was meditating, but he really wasn't. Heero worked on his laptop, but not on work or mission stuff. He was trying to find out all he could about depression and anything else that could help his friend, while sending covert glances to Duo every few minutes.

Duo, staring out the window as he had for days now, thought he heard a soft melody coming from the church. He blinked and shook his head, deciding to check it out. He found four sets of eyes glued to him as he stood up and headed for the door, grabbing his light weight jacket, knowing, unconsciously that Trowa would have his hide if he didn't at least take it with him. He could tell none of them had heard they faint melody.

"I'm going for a walk, I'll see you later." He informed Wufei and Trowa, as he walked out the door into the gorgeous starlit night.

Though Duo hadn't realized it, he had an agonized look on his face as he announced his intention to go walking, this triggered Wufei and Trowa to jump up, followed closely by the rest, and head out the door, with out their jackets.

Duo stood in front of the church for a long time until he heard more music, he puzzled over the faint recognition of the melody. A few memories meet him at the door as he finally entered the building. The scent of white musk and midsummers night candles bombarded his senses as complete recognition of a song Sister Helen taught him, hit him like the smells had. He began to softly sing the lyrics he had tried so often to forget, right after they died.

I still remember the world From the eyes of a child  
Slowly those feelings Were clouded by what I know now  
Here has my heart gone An uneven trade for the real world  
I want to go back to Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all  
I still remember the sun Always warm on my back Somehow it seems colder now  
Where has my heart gone Trapped in the eyes of a stranger I want to go back to Believing in everything

Latin hymn

As he headed down the aisle, toward the alter, he relived many of his few happy memories of his child hood. He and the younger kids playing tag, he was it and pretended he couldn't catch them. Helping Sister Helen in the kitchen, helping father Maxwell with the sermon, though unintentionally (trouble seemed to follow him everywhere). His talks with father Maxwell about God and life.

Where has my heart gone An uneven trade for the real world I want to go back to Believing in everything  
And where has my heart gone Trapped in the eyes of a stranger I want to go back to Believing in everything  
And where has my heart gone Trapped in the eyes of a stranger I want to go back to Believing in everything

The guys caught up and stealthily follow him into the church. They crept in and each held the thought that an angel was singing in the church. They searched the place and found only Duo. No other person playing the music or lighting the hundreds of white tapered candles that lit up the place with a soft glow. They felt entranced as Duo continued to sing the heart breaking song.

After the song, and Duo had reached the alter he began to sob as he hadn't since the day he was born. At first the apologies were mere whispers, that like his sobs, grew in volume and intensity. "I'm so sorry, I tried to protect you and I killed you! Sister Helen, Please Forgive Me! I Was NEVER WORTHY OF YOU OR YOU LOVE, AND NEVER WILL I BE WORTHY OF TROWA! Please forgive me, I didn't mean to kill you, Father Maxwell, I was trying to get them to leave us alone! God help me, and forgive me, Andee, and Sere and the rest of you! I Killed you because I wasn't fast enough! Im sooo sorry! How could Trowa ever love me, I'm nothing but a murderer of innocents, who trusted me to save them! I was never worthy of Your grace, just as I will never be worthy of Love or of Wufei's friendship, or the rest of them! I was never worthy of Solo's name or yours, Father Maxwell and I'm so scared! I'm afried of losing them, especially Trowa, and Wufei! I love Trowa and I don't want him to die as everyone else I loved has! I don't want to lose my best friend or the rest of them! Trowa and the guys are my world and I don't think I can handle it if I lost them as I lost all of you!" Duo begins to quiet down as he relieves his brain of this last bit. "So to keep that from happening, I will leave. I wont let them die because of me!"

Duo began to wail his heart out. At first he didn't realize that hands and arms were wrapping themselves around him. When he did look up his gaze collided with an emerald green one. He took note of the arms enclosing him, and twisted his neck to find everyone had gotten to him and were in on the family hug, with Trowa and Wufei in the forefront. Even Heero had joined in.

"You're not going anywhere with out us, Maxwell" Wufei informed him. Trowa nodded and Whispered in Duo's ear. The blue violet eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. "Really?" he questioned. "Really, Really." Trowa replied, quoting one of Duo's favorite movies, with a faint smile playing on his lips. Wufei told Duo, "If any one is unworthy of anyone else, it's us of you. Who else would make a nuisance of himself to help others remember to live? Who else would make the unsmiling, smile a radiant smile? Who else could keep five very different people together, through sheer stubbornness and laughter? You are the only one I know who could pull that miracle off."

Trowa continued, "We love you as you are and nothing could ever change that, you are our family, and I love you as I have loved no one else. We cant take a stab at this if you are going to be somewhere else, you know?"

"So, are you going to stay?" Quatre asked.

"Or are we going to have to hold you prisoner until you come to your senses and realize, we will always be here for you, and are not likely to die any time soon." Heero commented.

"Well, at least not because you love me, us." Trowa finished.

Duo burst into tears again and flung himself at Trowa, who just stroked his hair as Wufei rubbed his back.

/\ /\

-- o

(sniffle)

Ashes: let me know if you like it or not. And please let me know what you think Trowa said. I'm also currently working on a few others and if everything goes well, which right now it's up in the air, I will have the next one posted in a few days.

Duo: Please give her feedback. Tro and I want her to be happy and when she doesn't get feedback she uses her claws on the furniture. Trowa and I would like to keep the new leather couch we got a little while longer.

Trowa: Please we cant beg you people enough. She has cost us a fortune and we cant take her to the vet, that would be suicidal, and I don't know about the rest of you, but I know I aint and neither is Duo. We like living, thank you very much.

Trowa and Duo glare at the charcoal colored cat. She glances at them as if she is all that is innocent.

for some reason i got it into my head to use my parents house. It really is in the middel of nowhere,(and i live across the street, next to the church) at least thats what it feels like and there really is a church that you can see from most of the windows at the house.

Anyway, email me at and feed me with feedback, pleaase! 


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